i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
