dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
