Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
