omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
