u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
