They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
