Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
