thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
