walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
