love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
