Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she looked like the before picture.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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