This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
