I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
