I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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