Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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