Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
