I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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