Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I am morally bankrupt
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
