you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
