arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
