her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
