I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
