Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
