We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
