Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
