I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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