cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
