So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
