sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
