I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
