remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
