so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
