11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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