remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
