Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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