i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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