Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
