It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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