Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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