watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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