Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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