Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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