Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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