Porn is love you can see.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
