You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
