...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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