i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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