Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
