No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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