i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
