Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Small penises have feelings too.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
