that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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