my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
