After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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