I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
