Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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